Salsa Characters- there’re more!
Back by popular demand, and an ever-expanding knowledge base of the people you encounter while salsa dancing, it’s some new additions to SALSA CHARACTERS. The original characters are also on this list. Keep submitting them!
Mambobot: Idea submitted by JPLogan. Oh it is painful how many of these there are… The salsa folk who dance like the letters off a class syllabus. They execute moves in exactly the same manner without individual flair. Unfortunately you’ll see plenty of this at the congresses. Not to be confused with, Have No Rhythm, Don’t Count, Don’t Care.
The Throwback: Whip out the toupee, 70’s bells, ruffled tux, and a pair of aviator shades. With low lights it’s hard to spot this aging Salsero. He’s probably been dancing since salsa’s birth, and has the entire Fania record collection at home. This doesn’t stop him from coming out at night, bless his dancing heart. One way to identify this character is to examine the smile he’ll flash you during a rumba move- those perfectly shaped shiny bright teeth are probably grandpa’s dentures.
The Leper: Anyone who has unidentified body odors, marks, or open wounds is a bio-hazard to a fellow dancer! Usually you discover the identity of this character way too late (like when the doctor is diagnosing you with some rare hand disease that is only transmitted from 3 minutes of palm-to-palm hand holding). It’s hard to be a salsa dancer in the age of swine flu. Perhaps that’s why we dance with dimmed lights.
The Tease: Submitted by JPLogan. Usually a female (sorry girls, but it’s true) but some men also play this game; this is the salsa dancer that will give you some major “I want you off the dance floor ” signals, but will leave you stone cold on the dance floor, laughing at you like a shrew. Categorizing someone with this name is very risky- sensual does not equal tease (it is dancing, after all). But if your dance partner whispers sweet nothings in your ear, unleashes heavy winks or gives you some x-ray vision stares across the dance floor, beware! This salsa character might leave your head spinning long after your turn patterns are over.
Ghosts of past…
Narcissus: Let’s start with you, Narcissus, as you’re so easy to spot. You are the not-salsero who asks a girl to dance, but spends the entire time watching yourself dance in the mirror. You are fond of the side-step because it allows you to position yourself at an angle where your dance partner doesn’t obstruct your view of yourself in the looking glass. When you do remember you have a dance partner, it is only for a moment, because you adjust the girl’s grip on you as a queen would rearrange a diamond bracelet so that it better highlights her wrist.
Predator: As vulgar as the one in the movie, you don’t salsa to dance. You salsa to get a quick feel and three minutes of hand-holding. Your favorite target are the beginners, not so much because they are your choice; the more advanced girls don’t have to dance with you anymore. And besides, those girls already got your predator number. You come in all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, and ages. Guys, it’s less frustrating on all of us to just drop the money on a good lap dance at Hustler. They have a taxi stand right outside their doors to take you home when you’re done.
Frog to Prince Charming: Oh, you’re a delight! You are the guys whom most would least expect to be great dancers. Either because you’re no Fabio in your outer shell, you emit a rhythmless vibe off the dance floor, or you’re straight out of Revenge of the Nerds. When the clave sings, POOF! You bedazzle us with the smoothest moves, showing us, indeed, there is such thing as Clark Kent and Superman.
Romeo Don Juan: Ahh… you are dangerous. You have a mix of moves, sultry eyes, a sexy smile and good looks. Dancing with you is not just a dancing pleasure… it’s a woman’s fantasy. Your dancing plays a narrative in our minds. Don’t burst our bubble by opening your mouth or telling us of life off the dance floor. Keep counting with us, and next time, can you wear an all white linen suit and straw hat?
Fred Astaire: These are the salseros who are just outright dancing demons. Fred Astaires: All other categories you may fall under melt away because your dancing is that good. That’s what we think about during and after the dance. Fred Astaires can also be Frogs and (a very deadly combo) Romeo Don Juans.
Zorro: Who was that masked man? That’s what you’ll ask yourself if you should find yourself dancing with a mystery man who wow’s you during one dance (or evening of dancing), whom you never see again. You can spend the rest of your life going from social to social, wondering if you’ll ever see him again. He leaves you only with memories.
Rag Doll Boogier: These guys are pretty annoying. They are the ones that are just plain rough and uncouth. They throw you around the dance floor left and right, almost dislocating your arm from its socket. They are not gentle in any way, and forget that the woman should be the highlight of most of the dance. See also Predator, Topsy-Turvy, Borracho and Have no Rhythm-Don’t Count-Don’t Care.
Topsy-Turvey: These are the spinners! Most of the time these are the guys that like to spin YOU, and nothing more. Take a Dramamine, ladies, before taking their hands. Rarely though you’ll get ones that like to spin themselves mostly. In this case, brush up on some shines and women’s styling so you have something to do while they’re into the fourth triple turn.
Borracho: The drunk. You are almost automatically dismissed from most ladies’ dances, except when you mask it until it’s too late (for us). You are dangerous because like an octopus with many arms, in each move you have us do, you can be so many other characters. See Predator, Topsy-Turvy, Rag Doll Boogier, and Have No Rhythm-Don’t Count-Don’t Care. Being tipsy is fine. It’s just flat out dangerous to be drunk and salsa-ing.
I Really Despise Women, and That I’m Not a Woman: Just pretend while we dance.
Have No Rhythm, Don’t Count, Don’t Care: You best get off the social dance floor too. You can do your thing at parties and family events, and maybe even clubs. But don’t ask a real salsera to dance with you! I’m all for inventing your own salsa dancing if it is in synch with the music. Maybe you’re the next Eddie Torres for your own count. In this case, clarify this first with your dance partner (or at least make an attempt to work with her own feel of the music). But don’t feel shuffling here and there constitutes salsa at salsa events with serious dancers.
