“Dear God,
Why? Why I ask, why do certain people exist?

Picture it, a muggy Spring morning in late May. The 6:00am 2 train. Abnormally packed train for this early in the morning. Seating is limited. As I go into my usual morning trance during my 90 minute commute I am rudely interrupted by foul play. That foul play my friends is Body Odor. A 6′ 5″ inch male, approximately 40 years old, still rockin fubu hard as if they were ever cool or like they ever made anything of quality…or perhaps his Asian themed button down is a “Dragon Ball-Z” shirt. Nonetheless his shirt sucks. His jeans are visibly filthy and 2 inches too short. He is wearing crew cut socks (do they even make those anymore?) and his new balance sneakers look like his lawn mowing sneakers however somehow I doubt he has a lawn to mow. Too harsh? Well you try sitting down wind from this motherfucker standing over you with what I believe to be 2 days worth of underarm body odor. There is no escaping this. I tried plugging my nose, burying my face in my arm then my bag. Shallow breaths from my mouth did not do the trick. “Ding!” The train doors open after this 15 minute violation. He takes two steps toward what I believe will be my freedom to breath. NOPE sits right next to me. I thought for a moment the smell would die down since I was no longer right beneath his armpit. 5-4-3-2-NOPE.

A long day of work and running around on a hot day justifies why he might not be so fresh… but it is 6am.

What made him leave the house without a shower? A few swipes of deodorant? Some cheap cologne to mask this odor?
Time? No time was on his side because he had the time to put on his tarnished rhinestone bracelet that looks like some shit from an old lady’s garage sale that he probably got for a steal still pondering the possibility that it could be real.
The gentleman enjoyed several games on his iPhone and bopped to the beat of whatever music he appeared to be too old to be listening too.

“Ding!” He gets off at 125th in Harlem which allows me to drawn one conclusion for a man not dressed for work traveling this early. Off to the DMV to stand in line to pay off his 64 parking tickets for his car that he has found himself behind 5 months on his car note because he couldn’t afford it o begin with. It was either this or jail time.

So God I ask you why. Why does this human exist? What purpose does he have on this earth? Answer me this.

Sincerely violated,

Bianca”

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Yonkers, NY October 2009

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Whatever happened to street performers?

“It only takes a great musician, battery powered amp, eye seeing dog and a banjo.  Subway music Boston style.”

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This Miami sign was submitted by JPLogan, passed along from others… More smart urban planning. 

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This story idea and link was submitted by JPLogan of NYC.

Recent salsa reflections had us commenting on gender dynamics. Here’s a look into some theory that’s out there which seeks to explain gender dynamics, from a guy who seems to have approached the male/female game as a graduate internet thesis project. It pretty much goes like this: gals keep two “ladders” where they put men: a friend ladder and a f*ck-ables ladder. Men keep one ladder and there is a hierarchy of women on the ladder based on attraction.  Here is a snippet from the webpage, “Ladder Theory”:

“Scenario 1: Tom meets Jane. She’s pretty and seems interesting to talk to.
Tom and Jane start hanging out and talking more and more. Tom develops an
attraction to Jane, and one day tries to kiss her. Jane tell Tom she doesn’t
think of him that way and she wants to remain friends. The next few weeks
contact between the two falls off. Jane starts fucking an outlaw biker.

Ladder Theory Explanation: Tom met Jane. Tom was immediately placed on the
friends ladder. Tom didn’t know this. Tom tried to jump ladders. Jane kicked
Tom in the head rather than let him on and sent him hurtling to the Abyss
below. The outlaw biker was not on her friends ladder (they never are) but
rather on her good ladder.”

http://www.laddertheory.com/ladderconstruction.htm

My feeling is that this ladder theory plays out in full force in cities like NYC where there is an abundance of people to place on rungs of a ladder. Dare I say if this theory is true, the reason women have two ladders is that it’s hard for a woman to find “that perfect man”- a combo of the two ladders. Or we’ve got issues similar to the mother-whore complex men have. Thoughts?

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Speaking of outer space, if this isn’t Street Cookie I don’t know what is. C-mixto submitted this photo reluctantly. He is not a fan of the Street Cookie thread, but was shaken by his find and might be a new believer. This is alien Street Cookie emerging from a black hole vortex. He came across it near Academy Street in Inwood.

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This Urban Odyssey find was submitted by Divafish, discovered two years ago in Harlem. It’s just a find, not an advocacy of opinion, so don’t get all up in arms. Gentrification is not an easy subject or phenomenon.

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Here is a little tidbit that I found while walking around the Harlem Meer yesterday.  A sign afixed to the fence next to the pond with the image of the dreaded predatory SNAKEHEAD FISH - warning anglers that if they catch such a fish in the pond so bring it to authorities immediately.

 A few years ago someone threw a croc (3 feet long) in the Harlem Meer, and a real live “Crocadile Dundee” wrangler was brought in from Florida. The reptile was captured admist of media hullabaloo.  

According to the park ranger we spoke to yesterday, the dreaded snakehead is supposedly “delicious”.  Are New Yorkers’ playing a deadly game with nature in the Meer, or just another free meal?

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ouo

ouo@oururbanodyssey.com

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