Our Urban Odyssey » gross factor

Ugh… Frappe Haven Closed for Health Violations

Nova — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 14:43:02 +0000

What’s going on? Made the trek to Astoria and was looking forward to a nice, sweet, caffeinated frappe and a souvlaki to go at the great Athen’s Cafe. First noticed that the seats weren’t outside. Then saw the big health department sign that the place has been closed for health violations. WHAT? Come on Athen’s Cafe. With what’s going on in Greece, you’re needed more than ever. What’s left if we don’t have our kafenenion culture to sulk in? And you make a mean frappe, though apparently not a necessarily sanitary one.

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Summer Musings: Sun-dried Clothes

Nova — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 00:31:41 +0000

Thought to break the silence with some simple summer musings… Enjoyable summer moments that can occur, yes, even in a city. First, is the simple pleasure of drying your clothes in the sun. In an urban setting especially, this is associated with poverty. Because who does this except if you don’t have access to a dryer or are trying to save money? We frown upon the look of clothes lines hanging between buildings, socks and underwear hanging from window guards instead of curtains, hangers dangling from the trellis of a fire escape. Indeed, for the most part (with some slight exception to the clothes lines between buildings, especially on a greeting card) this isn’t a good look for a neighborhood. Never mind that it’s not exactly country air that’s drying your clothes, and with all that grime you might as well not wash them at all. Even more–and this happened to me in Athens when laundromats were so few in between and forget the college giving us a washing machine–we were forced to do these things and pray our clothes (more importantly delicates) didn’t get bombed by pigeons. Still, still, if you can secure a secluded, clean spot for even a sock, there is something wonderful about drying your clothes in the sun. There is a freshness to them, an unmistakable smell. You just think they are cleaner by virtue of the rays of the sun. Yeah, it’ll damage your urban wardrobe I’m sure if you do it constantly when the sun is blazing down. Sure blasting them in the dryer aint no good either. But even if it’s just that one sock, or small handkerchief you dry out in the air of your window, on your terrace, wherever… it brings a little something special to summer.

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Architectural Abominations of Gentrification

Nova — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:43:22 +0000

Grab your bag of popcorn and take a look at how the Upper West Side continues to gentrify and loose some of its character. Gone is the beloved Greek diner that stood here (which took in some previously displaced diner workers and patrons that were usurped by the Whole Foods construction a few blocks over) and up went this white plastic…. what the heck is it? “Hip apartments” of course, that fit oh so nicely with the rest of the neighborhood’s architecture.

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Ads that just might work…?

Nova — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 00:17:18 +0000

Washington Heights, Fort Washington Avenue, August 2010.

This is how to get your message across. Remind people of the problem and what you would like them to do about it, with few words (since the piles of shit in the street are not enough to remind you that hmmm… shit on the floor is not a very pleasant thing.. Unless, of course, it’s being used as fertilizer and you’re going to get better plants.) And let’s make an art piece out of our message! Unfortunately, it was too direct for some people, as the ass of the dog and his little pile were blacked out by the obscenity squad shortly after. Oh, and New York City’s got nothing on this issue compared to Buenos Aires. Shit-kabobs for heels, anyone?

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Dante’s Inferno, Perhaps Third Cirlce: The Gross Man

ouo — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 21:15:12 +0000

For those who don’t remember, the Dante’s Inferno series are reserved for rants and the literary banishment of those who offend Urban Odyssey bloggers. Watch out, because this post comes from the fury of Bianca. Only mildly censored so as not to ignite an internet riot.

“Dear God,
Why? Why I ask, why do certain people exist?

Picture it, a muggy Spring morning in late May. The 6:00am 2 train. Abnormally packed train for this early in the morning. Seating is limited. As I go into my usual morning trance during my 90 minute commute I am rudely interrupted by foul play. That foul play my friends is Body Odor. A 6′ 5″ inch male, approximately 40 years old, still rockin fubu hard as if they were ever cool or like they ever made anything of quality…or perhaps his Asian themed button down is a “Dragon Ball-Z” shirt. Nonetheless his shirt sucks. His jeans are visibly filthy and 2 inches too short. He is wearing crew cut socks (do they even make those anymore?) and his new balance sneakers look like his lawn mowing sneakers however somehow I doubt he has a lawn to mow. Too harsh? Well you try sitting down wind from this motherfucker standing over you with what I believe to be 2 days worth of underarm body odor. There is no escaping this. I tried plugging my nose, burying my face in my arm then my bag. Shallow breaths from my mouth did not do the trick. “Ding!” The train doors open after this 15 minute violation. He takes two steps toward what I believe will be my freedom to breath. NOPE sits right next to me. I thought for a moment the smell would die down since I was no longer right beneath his armpit. 5-4-3-2-NOPE.

A long day of work and running around on a hot day justifies why he might not be so fresh… but it is 6am.

What made him leave the house without a shower? A few swipes of deodorant? Some cheap cologne to mask this odor?
Time? No time was on his side because he had the time to put on his tarnished rhinestone bracelet that looks like some shit from an old lady’s garage sale that he probably got for a steal still pondering the possibility that it could be real.
The gentleman enjoyed several games on his iPhone and bopped to the beat of whatever music he appeared to be too old to be listening too.

“Ding!” He gets off at 125th in Harlem which allows me to drawn one conclusion for a man not dressed for work traveling this early. Off to the DMV to stand in line to pay off his 64 parking tickets for his car that he has found himself behind 5 months on his car note because he couldn’t afford it o begin with. It was either this or jail time.

So God I ask you why. Why does this human exist? What purpose does he have on this earth? Answer me this.

Sincerely violated,

Bianca”

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Tis the Season for Scum Bombs

Nova — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:21:52 +0000

Those urbanites who have subways and elevated train stations know the gross factor that cometh with melting snow. It’s the slowly dripping, murky droplets of liquid substances that drop onto your head (or life-ending incidents of landing in your eye) from the beams and ceilings of an aging rail system. Unlike the drops that fall with rain, these scum bombs are highly concentrated with grossness: the filth of the subway and all that hath accumulated in the old snow. What are they made of? Who knows? Human feces, dirt, rodent excrement, spit, toxic waste….? Survival tactics: Avoid the wet spots you see on the floor. They are usually the ground zero of falling globs. Tread like Indian Jones in a Peruvian ancient temple to avoid any unpleasant surprises.

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Beauty Parlor Images

Nova — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 02:03:37 +0000

Beauty parlors give you have a lot of time to observe, think, reflect and unintentionally eavesdrop. While your hair is washed you can count cracks in the ceiling and wonder when the rest of the paint will peel off. While under the dryer you have time to do normal activities like read or play with your phone. But when in the beautician’s chair your eyes are pretty much fixed upon the tools aligned under the mirror.

There you might catch a glance of her personal life: the purse sitting half open on the floor just beneath the alter of hair products, a picture of a smiling kid or two in graduation caps. Lunch that has been put on hold until she’s finished rolling your hair.

When you’re done looking at these, you find yourself reading all the labels of the hair products she has. Olive oil this, silicon that…. but I have to say I was taken by surprise by the orange and yellow canister with a picture of a runny nose gorilla, greenness dripping from his nose. Yes, it really is a product, and they call it “Gorilla Snot”. How they managed to really market this to people is a mystery to me. But there it was, moco de gorila.

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Gross Factor I… Public Grooming

Nova — Tue, 05 May 2009 01:34:01 +0000

New Yorkers, listen up. Nail care does not belong on the subway, or any other public place. It is not cool to whip out your nail clippers on the subway and clip away. Would you wipe your ass in public? Do you think people sitting next to you want your nail clippings flying into their laps, or into their eyes because those suckers have velocity and direction? As I write this, a woman is filing down her nails on the subway on top of her black leather purse, a pile of nail dust streaking her bag like it’s a fashion statement. I am brought back to memories of a few years ago in a class, when a guest speaker started clipping his nails as he waited to go on. I gritted my teeth and proceeded to write a one page reprimand on his evaluation form on how rude and disrespectful the act was. Plus this is New York! Do you know the kind of shit people can put on you from gathering your nail clippings?

I disagree with the self-appointed editorial board on whether to post this: this is a part of one’s urban odyssey.

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