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Is this a growing technique of Parks and Rec?

Is this is a particular species of green?

Are people laying in these areas?

Have the aliens landed in Inwood? Is the grass shiny from the metal rub of a spaceship bottom?

Theories, please….

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Doesn’t matter if the concert isn’t your thing… Let your imagination soar while in those comfy seats. Pretend you’re a delegate from earth, trying to catch the eye of cougar Queen Amidala or a young, muscular Jedi just as he’s exploring his dark side.

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• The Syfy (Scifi) channel or some channel was showing back to back movies about alien invasions. I couldn’t help but watch “War of the Worlds” which turned out to be a very, very bad idea. The remake of War of the Worlds plays on pretty much every fear you could have: alien ship attacks, alien robot attacks, air planes going down, drowning in cars, Titanic-like boat going down, aliens that incinerate you indiscriminately, aliens that capture you and put you in a metal farmers’ market basket until they are ready to thrust their tentacle through you and suck out all of your blood, human kind’s extermination, mob hysteria, loosing your child, apocalypse. For those who didn’t see the new War of the Worlds: the aliens arrive in a stream of lightening bolts from the sky. So I couldn’t help but have a lump in my throat while watching the Geminids meteor shower.
• Also, for some reason, the powers that be seem to be testing the “Emergency Alert System” out. A lot. You know, that horrible nuclear bomb alert sound followed by, “This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast system. If this had been an actual emergency…”  Those who saw War of the Worlds will know that this same message was being broadcasted during the alien invasion, saying “this is a TEST of the emergency broadcast system”–a test– even though it was sure damn well past an emergency.  This test was playing on my TV upon my return of watching the Geminids meteor shower. These series of events are a great way to become an insomniac, but I don’t know if I was  scared or more annoyed by the fact that the announcement said “this is a test of New Jersey’s emergency broadcast system”. New Jersey? I’m not in New Jersey! Are you telling me that in the event of an emergency Inwoodites are screwed because Manhattan forgets we exist and New Jersey is calling us theirs even though there is a freakin river between us? Inwoodites better start building rafts and canoes because it looks like we will be screwed.
• The Hadron seems to be up and running again.

The broadcast alerts are still going on… Just when War of the Worlds was receding from my mind a day later, as I dozed off with a smile on my face listening to Craig Furgeson, suddenly, in the middle of one of his jokes, the horrible nuclear bomb alert sound blasted like a siren with a “test” message. Success in finding a sound that will jerk anyone out of a soundful sleep.

So take it as fiction and believe what you will. The arts are a great way to send mass messages to people: either to have us buy something, to act a certain way, to serve as a mirror for our fears and desires, or to subtly prepare us for an alien invasion.

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I stumbled upon this fact at 12am, Dec 14th, 10 minutes before the supposed peak for NYC viewing. That didn’t stop this superhero: I rushed outside in my pajamas, in clumsy snow boots, a puffy winter coat, winter hat and (what else?) my tri-corder (iphone). Sky gazing is a great way to reconnect yourself with a certain peace: to witness the vastness of the universe, its glories and mysteries.. it humbles you and reminds you that you are something outside the persona of your offices, families, friends…  The fact that this meteor shower happens during the month of Chanukah, the Festival of Lights, and Christmas and the Winter Solstice, the Return of Light, makes this spectacle even more special. Take your little watchers outside for a real holiday gift next year: it’s only going to get stronger and more visible with every year. And if you have a cool iphone Star Maps application, you can aim your tri-corder into the sky and sing out the names of each star to your tyke like a soothing lullaby.

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Watchers of all sorts and space travelers: this iphone app is a must for your urban space odyssey. With the new gps capability of the phone, you just aim your Star Trek tri-corder into the sky and it outlines the celestial mosaic for you, name, coordinates and all. Looking to catch a ride on a passing comet? To figure out where to aim your ship if Venus is in your vacation plans? This app will help you.

Further evidence that Star Trek is becoming a reality. Who is laughing now, non-Trekkies?

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The Large Hadron Collider has started up again. Watchers: Start logging any anomalies you encounter: rips in time, premonitions of doom (or the return of paradise), aliens, formations of star gates, etc.

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The staff all have space uniforms. You’re given a choice of baby trip or full throttle experience from lift off to landing. Scared sh*tless, I choose the real thing. You go through a briefing (shut up who cares that I was screaming in glee and the 8 year old kid next to me was unphased). You are given an assignment in the ship (engineer, pilot, navigator, and something else). I won’t tell you my disappointment on being navigator since I can’t even drive a car and am told I fail even as co-pilot. Then you’re strapped in a space pod (claustrophobia be damned because you are trapped in that sh*t until the ride is over) with your three companions and BOOOOOOOOOOM. You watch a screen that f ing convinces you that you are lifting off, and you are stuck to your seat unable to move from the force. Apparently you are in a centrifuge but the screen tricks your body that you are where your eyes tell you.

Apologies for screaming Mother F*cker with that 8 year old engineer next to me (who might have been choking in his own vomit from the sound of it). The computer gives you prompts as to when you are supposed to push specific buttons for the ship to work. I made sure to yell to the 8 year old engineer to make sure he knew what to do.

I had two tasks- hitting thrusters to use the moon’s gravitational force to pivot to Mars, and then I think to redirect the ship to avoid an asteroid… I completed the first task…. but failed the second. I can’t tell you how traumatized I am from that. And here’s the other kicker. When we f ing finally crash landed the ride was over, leaving us… ON MARS! HOW CAN THEY DO THAT after convincing us it was real?

Mission:Space. If I’m ever lost, look for me on Mars. I’m somewhat convinced Disney left me there in their own Martian version of Disney World.

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